Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Writing on Wednesday: You couldn't make it up*

On the 19th February I sat in the car while the bubba grizzled in the back because she had been woken up early from her nap and the rain pounded on the windscreen. I stared at the small print in that burgundy book and my brain refused to comprehend. It's not 2011, I said to myself, no it's not, no it's...oh, yes, oh fuck yes it is! And there I had to accept that I was sitting in a car in traffic with a packed suitcase, two Eurostar tickets, a birth certificate, a letter of permission to leave the country with my own daughter, her passport and a pissed off child and a soon to be pissed off frog.

"My passport's expired!"

And there, in that moment, as I realised I wasn't going to London, I could also see into the future, through the  rain that my trip to Berlin ON MY OWN, no Bubba, no frog, just me (and hundreds of other PYP school teachers) was circling the drain. 

Since then it's as if the everything going smoothly god has got it in for me and my kind BIG TIME.

You see the passport was one thing. OK I thought, if I have to, I'll get emergency travel papers, but now that god is just toying with me.

On Friday as I was leaving work with the deadline for reports looming large over my head, I did a million and one calculations in my head and decided not to take home my planner and half the assessment documents I would need to write reports. I had it all timed down to the last minute. I would meet the deadline and IN TIME.

Then on Saturday I woke up and couldn't walk. Like SERIOUSLY!

So, while I've had enforced rest for the lame, I thought I would see where my passport was at. Since Monday, I have had so many people telling me that my passport would get there on time. It's in the last stage, it just needs to be delivered. Is it here? NO.

So, then I thought I would print out my hotel reservation and plane ticket. Plane ticket? Oh plane ticket, wherefore art thou plane ticket?

That's a hint, right. I shouldn't go, right? I have a limp, I have no passport and I have no plane ticket.


On the good news front though my copy of The Demon Collector by Jon Mayhew arrived, so if I ever get a passport, plane ticket and a taxi I'll have plane reading.

*This is not a short story by the way. THIS IS MY LIFE.


Marisa Birns said...

Despite what you may believe, everything will work out. It never fails to amaze me that it always does.

Austin James said...

Oh the joys of an expiring passport you forgot to renew (or can't find, note to self: Don't use it as a bookmark)... I've been there... It'd be nice if you could just wiggle your nose and transport effortlessly like on Bewitched (or was that I dream of Jeanie, I can't remember).

Michele Helene (Verilion) said...

Marisa, I hope so, because the cost of Emergency travel docs is almost the same price as the passport itself! And Austin I think it was Bewitched that wiggled the nose, but I dream of Jeanie where she would click her fingers and disappear. I do wish I often wish I could do that because I hate airports. Still at least I don't have to take my shoes off in France, because I was having real problems doing that at the beginning of the week!

Nicky Schmidt (Absolute Vanilla) said...

I shouldn't laugh, should I, but that was very funny!
I hope the limp goes, the plane ticket turns up and the passport arrives on time - and... that you have a totally fantastic trip to Berlin!
Oh, and enjoy The Demon Collector!!!

Beth Kemp said...

What a tale of woe! I hope it'll all be sorted out in time.

Michele Helene (Verilion) said...

Hi Nicky, I guess I did write with a little thought that it might raise a laugh or two. My passport arrived on Thursday, 22 minutes before the end of the scheduled delivery time! But I did get to go to Berlin and then had NO time read (including my homeork for the two night!), so I didn't even finish Stoneheart until the plane journey back! I shall start tonight. And Beth, it was a little too stressful, but... I guess it won't happen again for another ten years.


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