Not Writing and Routines...

I suppose I should begin this post by explaining that I have been asleep since February; seriously. While sleeping/snoozing I became hooked to a programme called: Un Diner Presque Parfait. I think it's based on some British thing where 5 people cook for each other every day of the week and are judged on their cooking hospitality and decor (is it really that important?). I realised that my brain was melting when I found myself weeping along with the Senegalese man who won the 1000€ one week and said he was going to send the money to his village back home. I then changed to a more serious channel ARTE (the French German collaboration) and snoozed through loads documentaries about all sorts of stuff, such as artificially inseminating elephants to how time is the architect of the planet.

I think I'm more awake this week. I can't be a 100% sure as I'm on holiday, but the goal is to get all those boring things done that I have been putting off since ... eh like October and to write. So I got my verruca done this morning by some sadistic bastard who called me into his office, looked at my referral letter, looked at my toe, went: YEP that's a verruca. He then proceeded to open this huge canister where dry ice poured out, poured a tiny bit of smoking liquid into a little metal bowl, muttered something about: 'this is going to hurt' and then proceeded to cause me extreme PAIN! So, the idea now is to write ...

The thing is, and no offence to you guys, but I was hoping that I would open up the folder that contains the first draft of my book and the other folder that contains bits of the slowest ever edit on earth and skip the blogging bit.

But it's the routines. Don't laugh, you all have them and I'm in desperate need of some new ones. I wrote to a friend last week ranting on and on about this whole visualisation process before the actual act of fingers tapping on keyboard. In my mind, it's dark, I have my pathetic tiny ashtray to the left, packet of cigs behind the laptop. Also on the left may be print outs that I'm currently working on. On the right is my notebook, a cup of tea/glass of wine. I may have one song playing in the background to start with, but by time the CD is over I won't put another one on because I'll be there... you know that place.

So I'm now going to start tearing that image apart. By the time it's dark I'm usually ready for a nap. I've stopped smoking(permanently I hope), I've stopped drinking (temporarily I hasten to add) and I'm down to one cup of tea a day (and decaf tea is pants let me tell you). I can still play the CD, but... I think that somewhere along the line, blogging actually became part of the writing routine too and I was trying to skip that bit to actually have some time to write, but the end result was nada.

Anyway, I'm now going to request that you all send me some new writing routines that will work for a non-smoking, non-drinking, caffeine deprived, slightly pooped writer. OK, I know that's a lot to ask for someone who's vanished off the face of the earth for two months, but please... It was for a very good reason honest. You can find the reason why tucked in between the flowers and Tibo on the right hand side bar.

Oops

I just clicked on site meter to have a wee mosey at my visitors today. My eyes flicked down yesterdays visitors, last hour, todays and almost popped out of my head: 108. "Shurely some mistake," I said to myself in my best Sean Connery accent. Eh, but no. Out of the 100, 8 of you are my usual bunch, 11 of you actually hung around to see what the hell I was going on about and then scooted off thinking: "Mad cow!" (although maybe I shouldn't count the 3 Brazilians who probably took that long to realise they were in the wrong place.) The rest took a quick look and thought: "Uh?!"

Take a look at the piccie in the post below. Whoops! Apologies to all of you who come here thinking this may be some shrine to the crawling one, but then again I guess you're not going to read this, so what the hell, but if you do, no offence, but please go away. This is where you are meant to be.