Thursday, March 22, 2007

Dislocation

I was dozing and listening to Radio 4’s 'Open Book' just now when I heard the word dislocation. From that word came a memory, from that memory came a smile, from that smile came a thought, from that thought came a question.

When I was about eight years old I played ‘mother’ in the school production of Hansel and Gretel. Steven Tear played ‘Father’; he was a boy I had probably paid no attention to until that moment. He came to my house and we rehearsed together. Even though I knew my performance in the above play was horrendous he never said so. When he was bullied by the other boys for being my friend, he never said so and the first I knew about it was when his mother came to my house to ask me to visit him in hospital because those horrid little boys had pushed him over and he had dislocated his hip.

I remember that summer holiday being made up of sunny days, blackberries and Steven. We spent every day together, running under the sprinklers and lying in the afternoon sun drying off. We explored the dark depths of the little wood in the park turning over the bottom of our white t-shirts and filling them with blackberries till finally my mother stopped screaming at the stains and sent us off to buy cooking apples and pastry mix. I remember playing on tricycles in his back garden, fighting back the tears because even though my ears hurt so much I was playing with him. And then that feeling of hatred as I was passed between nodding mothers, who prodded under my jaw and sighed and pursed their lips and finally condemned me to a week in my bedroom: “It’s mumps!” I remember that feeling of complete despair when I was told he was moving to Sussex.

I never thought of it as love before, but I guess that’s what it was. I remember those boys trying to tease me that I was his girlfriend when they found out I was going to see him in hospital, but that soon stopped due the fact that I had the fiercest look on my face, I was bigger than all of them and I had already kicked the shit out of the ankles of one who had crossed me before. But yep, I guess it was love. It was easy and innocent and so all consuming.

So then I just wondered whatever happened to Steven Tear. We kept in touch for quite a while and then puberty happened and everything changed. I wondered if he ever did become an actor. I just wondered...

This morning I also wondered if your ears should feel like alien satellites parked on your head conducting tests and probing my tonsils. Having finished there, they have moved up to my sinuses. My ears feel dislocated to the rest of my head.

10 comments:

Minx said...

I had a Steven.
I held his sweaty hand on the way to the cinema to see Bedknobs and Broomsticks. He bought me a packet of Toffee Poppets and I loved him.

Canterbury Soul said...

Isn't it sane sometimes to be able to recall memories like these as we get caught up with this insane world? Must have been real innocent in those days without having to worry about anything.

I had mine too.

Susan Abraham said...

Hi Verilion,
I can just picture you happily cycling about on your tricyle with those balloon cheeks in tow.
tee-hee!
For a minute, I wondered what happened to Steven too.
He may have become an actor and changed his name. :-)
A delightful read, darling.

Verilion said...

I guess we all have a Steven or two (or four now that I come to think of it) in our past, but it is funny the way that memory works. It must have been the word and the fact that I was a wee bit swollen yesterday as well that made me remember this. Balloon cheeks Susan! It's more balloon jowls with Mumps though, the balloon cheeks I have naturally! And hey Canterbury Soul was yours called Steven too? ( ;

totallyun-pc said...

Its the little things that happen these days that kick in to the old grey matter. I've just written a blog about the things I remember... then when I'd finished, it reminded me of some more so I did it again.... to be honest, its untapped... we could wraite about this stuff all the time and still have more in reserve. Very interesting all the same.

Debi said...

My Steven came back into my life this week! Have you tried Googling the name of yours?

Re the ears. Isn't this what everyone's feel like? Mine always do ...

Hope you feel better very soon.

Marie said...

I don't remember mine - I tend to block out the past a lot. Maybe I didn't have one.

Thanks for sharing V.

Canterbury Soul said...

Yeah, I had a steven entitled 'Grynis', a sweet little blonde with locks in an all-Asian primary 1 class.

Too bad, she wasn't as good in studies, as I moved on to the best classes in subsequent years.

But, she was sweet.

Verilion said...

Oh hello everyone...
TUPC, yeah memories are fabulous source of inspiration, even the not so pleasant ones.
And Debi I read about your Steven yes, but as for the googling, I'm hard enough to find! And Marie I bet you did have one! Obviously not as memorable as Canterbury Soul's sweety though. Sounds like he never stopped thinking about her! ( ;

Shameless said...

Great read, V. Do try a google search though, even if you have to go through all 3,458 pages. You'd be amazed at what you can find! :)

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...