Thursday, September 08, 2011

The First Challenge: The Black Box

It has been absolute ages since I wrote a piece of flash fiction, but Rach Harrie's first challenge for the 3rd Writer's platform-building campaign is to write a piece of flash fiction that is no longer than 200 hundred words. The first line must be: The door swung open and as an extra challenge we can finish with: the door swung shut. As an extra extra challenge it should be 200 words on the dot. So what do you think? If you like it you need to follow the link to Rach's post and give it a like. Cheers. 


The Black Box

The door swung open. Sarah’s head jerked around; no one there. She breathed, then bit into her lip as the cat curled itself around her legs. 
            “Get lost!” She pushed it away and edged further into the bottom of the cupboard. She turned the box this way and that, her fingers stroked and searched the black lacquered surface for some way in. She knew it opened, well she was almost sure she was certain. When Gemma held it there had been something different, the curlicue patterns that crawled all over the box seemed more; she searched for the word, intense. There had to be something special about the box. Why would Gemma hide it in the back of a cupboard behind shoes and tennis racquets where nobody could see it? 
            She turned it over again. “Ah!” Fingers dug into her calf and dragged her out the cupboard. 
            Sarah blinked up at Gemma. Gemma glared down at her. She snatched the box out of Sarah’s hand.
“You really want to know what it is, do you?” Gemma's fingers danced over the box. 
She shoved Sarah back into the cupboard and dropped the glowing box in her lap. The door swung shut. 

23 comments:

David Powers King said...

Building some tension there. Drat. Now I have to imagine what's in that black box! Thanks for drawing me into this well-written mystery.

Good job, Michele! :)

Lady Gwen said...

You're not going to tell us what's in the black box, are you?! I knew it, LOL!! Great scene!

Michele Helene (Verilion) said...

Thank you David and Lady Gwen. Sorry I didn't tell you what was inside but Gemma wouldn't tell me and I have a feeling it's kind of scary, there's some pretty heavy duty scrabbling and scratching going on behind that door... or maybe that's the mice.

WB Terrien said...

Good stuff. And scary stuff! Though now I'll probably have bad dreams about that black box. :)

Patricia T. said...

You get us all excited and leave us clueless as to what's in the box. Great job - great cliff hanger!

Kurt Hartwig said...

Great work. This is the first "be careful what you wish for" I've come across so far.

Angelina C. Hansen said...

And I want to know what it is, too!

bridget said...

I want to know. What is it? Nice job. Mine is #72

Ann said...

I feel a sequel coming on. Nicely done with the cliff hanger. It sounds like that box is something of a Pandora's box. Maybe it is best to leave it in the closet.

Sarah McCabe said...

Oh! Oh! Is it pain? Is it? Dune geek here. ;)

Very well written and intriguing.

Natasha Hanova said...

Ooh, I wonder what’s gonna happen next. What a mysterious set up.

I’m one of the judges for the first challenge and wanted to let you know you’ve been shortlisted as one of the Top 5 to move onto Stage Two. After this comes Stage Three (semi-final), then Stage Four (final). Good luck!

Cat said...

Nice snippet. I wonder what realy was in the box and how it will affect your MC. MAybe this is the beginning of a much longer story?

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Oh, oh... it makes me think of the old adage about curiosity and the cat. Sometimes we don't want that tantalizing bit of knowledge as much as we think we do. Beautifully written, and it really leaves me wanting to know what's inside that box.

Thank you so much for your unexpected visit to my blog and the wonderful news!

Michele Helene (Verilion) said...

I'm finally getting round to my comments. WB Terrien, I do hope I didn't give you nightmares! It could be something good in the box... but not likely I guess. Thanks for your comment Patricia, I was aiming for that kind of 'I want more' feeling. And Kurt, I love the way a reader interprets your work. As a writer you know what you were consciously aiming for, and although I hadn't identified that theme in my head, that's exactly what it is, if we think the thing in the box is bad! Angelina and Bridget, I can't tell you, like I said before Gemma didn't tell me. Ann and Cat, funny you should say that because I was thinking I kind of liked it and it could be a longer story (if Gemma ever told me what was in that box) and there was definitely a bit of a Pandora influence there. Sarah, I read Dune, but a very very long time ago. Natasha SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee. How exciting! And a bit scary as I know what I'm up against, I'm one of the judges too, aren't I Doralynn ;)

The Golden Eagle said...

What a way to find out what's in the box! :P

My entry.

Sheri L. Swift said...

Very nice, I'm hooked & want to read more! Lol! ; )

Medeia Sharif said...

You reeled me in. I want to know what's in the box.

Karen deBlieck said...

This is definately a very compelling opening...I want to know more!! I hope you continue with this so that I can find out. Thanks for coming by my blog and reading my work. :)

Michele Helene (Verilion) said...

Hi Golden Eagle Sheri, Medeia and Karen, I'm glad you enjoyed my entry. I'm working on a bunch of stuff at the moment, but will hopefully get back to this... one day.

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

Very fun

Amanda Milner said...

Oh man!! Left us hanging big time! Lol! What's in the box?!? What IS the box? ;)

kelworthfiles said...

Very fun stuff, reminds me a bit about the fuss over Megan's box on "Felicity."

Thanks for sharing, and good luck with the challenge! I'm part of your fantasy campaigner group, so see you down the campaign trail.

Michele Helene (Verilion) said...

Hi Alicia, Amanda and Chris, glad you enjoyed and I got you intrigued.

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