Afterwords…

Every now and again chaos reigns supreme.

Although, that is not exactly true. What happens is that carefully executed plans come to fruition and chaos reigns supreme everywhere else.

By that I mean that as I pulled my washing out the machine little pieces of super clean but super fluffy tissue rained down on me. Little pieces of broken glass were still wedged under the kitchen cupboard from when I had boogied on down in the kitchen and slapped a glass flying across the hallway. Piles of DVD’s lay in front of the TV- this was supposedly the pile of stuff to watch, but was actually mixed up with the pile of watched stuff. The table which should be used for eating had morphed into an unpaid bills mausoleum. And I tripped over my suitcase from Berlin at lease three times during the week before I ran out of clean clothes and had to unpack it just so that I could wash some clothes.

What happened?

Luvvie season, that’s what.

Luvvie season actually begins in September when the show directors wave a script in my direction and let me get on with it. In my imagination I start with a blank stage and then imagine the set, the lights and finally I imagine the little actors on it in costumes designed by me.

Luvvie season begins for me about a month before hand, usually about the time where I have the nightmare that the play is the next day and I haven’t done anything. I’ve always worked best under pressure, although perhaps this year the fact that I was still fixing part of the set thirty minutes before the first performance was a little too much. Then I get shut up in the light and sound box for two days I go and collect my flowers at the end of it and it’s over. That’s it six months of work (or in my case four months of farting about and one month of panic) is finished.

As I sat in the bath yesterday half watching Grey’s Anatomy and half pondering my dropping off toe nail I examined this flat feeling. In August I dropped something on my foot and over the months I’ve been watching the nail’s progress knowing that one day it would drop off. What actually happened was that a new nail grew underneath the dead one and although I have only three quarters of a toe nail, it will continue growing and I will continue to watch it’s progress (because I’m disgusting like that).

Whereas luvviness takes over your life and then leaves you with nothing but an empty box of chocolates and withered flowers after a huge expense of energy.

When you finish a piece of writing it’s not finished. I will put a final full stop at the end of the piece but then I will come back and edit it. If I spot a typo later on I will correct it, you will read it, I will re read it, you may comment on it, I may comment back. Instead of being over, writing grows and grows.

So, I think I’m going to do just that: write.