Sunday, April 22, 2007

I should have kept on walking

Yesterday was a beautiful day, so instead of staying on the metro I decided to walk some of the way home. I passed Castorama and thought to myself: hey you know what? I’ll buy some frames for those lithographs I bought in Lyon and put up the Bali picture that has been sitting in front of the DVD player since August because it’s about 20 x 15 cm’s and the only wall left to put it on is metres long up and I’ll put up that saddle bag carpety type thing that I bought in Turkey specially for that big wall. I was so confident that this wee task of putting some pictures up would be quick that I didn’t even unpack my food shopping. Two and a half hours later I was screaming – out loud! And clasping my head and pulling my hair.

First off, I bought three frames when in actual fact I only needed two. No matter I thought I’ll stick up that picture I took by the Beauborg last year, I always kind of liked it. So I contorted myself under the bed to get my huge art folder out and pull out the last piece of backing card I have and mounted the photo and stuck it in the frame and then realised that the remaining two frames were slightly different colours but the one with the photo matched one of the others. OK I reframed the photo no problem. Then the lithographs were slightly too big for the frame. Again no problem, got the ruler out, measured, cut, framed and put them up in the bedroom. Then I unrolled the saddle bag carpety thing. Something instantly jarred in my head but I ignored it. I put up the photo and started to get the heavy duty picture hooks out and hammered them into the wall. Originally when I bought the carpet I thought I would want to hang the carpet thing horizontally. After hammering in three hooks I thought: mmm just move it back to the right that doesn’t look right. So of course the hooks no longer lined up. Never mind I thought, I’ll just hammer in one more hook, ignore the one that doesn’t line up and three should be enough. It was at that point that I actually decided that what if it was vertical instead of horizontal. Aah actually that looked much better. But that meant pulling the hooks out the wall, cutting off and re-sewing one of the rings, sewing the bottom pocket shut and OH MY LORD look at the huge chunks of plaster falling out as I pull out the hooks! So now I had to shove polyfilla in those holes. As I was sewing the ring on, it began to dawn on me that no matter what way I hung the bloody thing it just wasn’t going to look right in here. It didn’t go with the Moroccan carpet; it didn’t go with the lamp. It just didn’t go. It was about then I began to moan slightly. So, I hauled the thing into the bedroom and hung it, eventually, it was too high at first but by now I was expert at handling the pliers so that I didn’t bring half the wall down with me. But now I still had a blank wall and one incey wincey tiny Bali picture to go up on it. That may have been the first time I screamed. I moved Bali into the bedroom and put the lithographs up on the wall in the front room. I know I should have measured, but I was just so fed up. The second picture was too high, too low, finally. It’s a couple of millimetres off but do you know what? I NO LONGER CARE. I flung the pliers, hammer, picture hooks, ladder, polyfilla, ruler and scissors back into the cupboard and headed into the sanctuary of the bathroom hating EVERYTHING.

I wandered around the flat this morning getting my breakfast ready and well, it’s OK, I kind of like everything now, but I’m not putting those bloody shelves up above the table for a good long time.

13 comments:

apprentice said...

Isn't always the way, jobs you expect to take 5 minutes end up taking 5 hours. Those markets looks interesting BTW.

Shameless said...

Oh, V, I can totally relate. I have a fancy mirror thing by my front door; it's only there to cover up a patch where the wall crumbled away when I tried what you did! I also had a nightmare after attempting to clean the white ceiling in the kitchen, only smudging it into whirlpools of soot, forcing me to repaint it, but then finding the white in the kitchen didn't match the white in the living room. I ended up painting much more ceiling than I wanted. In desperation I put up a long strip of masking tape, making an ugly dividing line between the old white and the new white! I hope the landlord doesn't notice when I move out! I have had similar disasters and the only things that are correctly installed and tidy are those taken care of by my partner's father!!

Verilion said...

Hi apprentice, yes I guess I should have told you about the whole carpet selling affair rather than my DIY disasters. I don't understand it, I've never had this much problems putting up a few pictures before!
And Shameless I was going to say that I wasn't a complete disaster, but then I remembered that there are posts where I admit to electrocuting myself. At least the curtain rail hasn't fallen down. Every single curtain rail my ex put up fell down, so it brings me comfort that the one I've put up is going strong.

Sam said...

I'm not at all 'manuel', so I know exactly what you're feeling, lol!

Sam said...

(Oh, PS, thank you for the kind words about my entry over at Jason't blog - #8)

suzanabrams said...

Hi V,
Do you ever plan to write a D-I-Y book?
ok, if I ever get to Paris, you can slap me. hee-hee.

Canterbury Soul said...

I can't say I can understand your 'ordeal' but have had similar feelings of frustration before. Sometimes, I get other people to help or I get something from IKEA.

Verilion said...

Hi Sam, well I'm glad I'm not the only one! And all the entries are really good so far. I'm glad I didn't read them before I sent mine off!
Yes Suzan, I think I will, it will be very short: Tip 1 - PAY A PROFESSIONAL.
And wise words there CS, get someone to help. Obviously the memory of being frazzled off the kitchen counter had slipped from my mind!

The Moon Topples said...

Veritekirova: I am sorry you broke your house.

Minx said...

Sometimes I would just like a wall that was straight never mind a few pits and lumps. What am I saying? No, I wouldn't.

Verilion said...

Ah MT the incredibly tiny apartment is not doing too bad, it was more my will to live that was broken by the end of the whole ordeal (OK I'm being melodramatic). And Minx I know you wouldn't want a straight wall, who wants a straight wall, straight walls are for squares and besides I've seen that bathroom.

goodthomas said...

They are up, on the wall, where they should be. To hell with too high or too low or the frames don't match. They are up to be seen, to be viewed, to be enjoyed.

Good for you.

On a side note, I get all jittering when hanging pictures. I love the whole idea of new art on the walls but greatly fear putting huge unnecessary holes in the wall, which invariably happens.

Verilion said...

GT! There are certain things that I am very laid back about (like what's the point in making the bed, you're only going to get into it again - ironing) but matching frames that are lined up, it has to be done. I am sure that everybody is completely anal about a few things (or a lot of things!)

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